So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
