She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
