Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
