I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
