No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
