You work out of a Hotel?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
