ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
