i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
