I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
