you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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