After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish you could order shots online.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
