forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
