Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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