We're facebook friends in real life
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
