No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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