just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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