hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
