she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
