She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
