mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
