We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
