if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
