I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
