we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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