I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
