If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
