dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
