Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
