Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
