His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
