The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My breasts were aching with rage.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
