OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
