Where is the hickey?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
