hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
