nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
