And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
