I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
