Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
