people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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