I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize