Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
