I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
