End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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