im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize