I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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