he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
