Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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