I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
