Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
