I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
