new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
