so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
