I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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