I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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