turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
