dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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