just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
