Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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