watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it glows. i had to have it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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