i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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