Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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