Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
