I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
