the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
