I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
