I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
