Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
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