I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just forgot I was standing up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
