if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
